To be honest, I was having mixed feelings about going back to college. I was excited, sad, feeling and a little hesitant for my final year in Arizona state uni. My academic advisor told me that my senior year is going to be overwhelming, and all my classes will be upper division with tons of research studies and major projects. And yep, I'm currently taking 7 classes this semester, and the workload is crazy shit.. I'm excited because I'll be getting this semester under my belt and will be one semester closer to getting my degree. I'm sad because I hate studying, and with the amount of classes I have I don't see myself having a lot of social life or time to relax. And sometimes, I see myself getting a little overworked. I guess I will just have to see how this semester goes. :/
Talking about my summer break a few months back.... It was indeed an interesting summer. It was actually my first time taking a plane alone to the other side of earth. I had a blast back home, although i wished that some things could have turned out differently. Yep, I did stuff I shouldn't do, and I hurt those that I do not want to hurt. I don't want to see myself doing that kind of stuff again. Every time i looked into the mirror, I could literally see my own reflection judging me, like why? :( Because, everyday was a "Quinne is leaving soon day" so my friends and I tend to go drinking a lot (don't judge me T_T), to chill and embrace the last few weeks together. They can be at clubs, bars, or house parties. And because of this, relationships were broken. Priorities were messed up. There were trust issues because I created them, and when the trust is permanently broken, I tend to push people away because i don't want to hurt them anymore. I am always escaping from emotions instead of dealing with them directly. I just can't afford to see the people I love getting hurt over and over again because of my selfish actions. And I know that this is something I'd to change, ask myself what I could have done to change the situation, and stop thinking about how everything that makes me happy will be gone eventually and that nothing will last forever. I wish i could be better, but i guess I will never be good enough, maybe not at this point.
There was anticipation of going back home to reunite with my family- but that was coupled with stress, sadness, and the emotions of leaving my friends and loved ones behind. I hate to leave, I really do. But on the other hand, I tell myself that having fun without work/study is only a temporary thing, I've to finish what I have already started, especially when I'm drawing near to my graduation date and upon graduation I have to pursue paths that I have chosen and begin the next phase of life. What I really hate about myself is the lack of positive motivation driving me forward. I get distracted easily by literally anything that hurts me emotionally, and when I do, I find it difficult to get back up on my feet. Well it took me quite a while to detach from the past and focus back on my present, but yeah... I believe i will be able to stay strong during tough days like this. Guess we should just embrace the pain, learn, and grow from experiences huh? And I promise I will be better and stronger.
So yeah, everyone's shocked that I'll be coming going back to SG in 7 months! Okay, I initially thought that i will be going home in 2 years due to some complications with my major map and classes that I thought would be delaying my graduation, but nah my academic advisor has already worked everything out perfectly for me :) K time to sleeeep, i will be back!
No comments:
Post a Comment