Life- Changing Experience.

Beautiful Salt Lake Temple.


It's been a month since i blogged. I am in the US now... i'm gonna be here for few years. hais... so many things to rant, maybe only my blog hears me.

Everything is too sudden.

it's like i went to Thailand till the 15feb, and 16feb i went to KL early in the morning with my boy. we had great fun there, spent 1000 RM dollars believe it or not? Haha... Dyed my hair and shop all sorts of stuffs. Ate alot. and we went back on the 21feb. Missed my bus back to SG because i mixed up the timings, all my fault. so bought new tickets back to SG.

It was scary, we had no cash... And the bus booths do not accept NETS, ONLY CASH. my boy tried to help me find the WIFI service through my itouch and we got it, we tried to do an internet booking for bus tix but it failed. We can only do an internet booking in SG, not in Malaysia. I sent a fb message to my best friend jo and she fixed things up for me and she helped me buy bus tickets using my boy's Mastercard. And we got the tix.. Thank you jo, really appreciate all the help. I had fever on that day and it was so crazy. When i reached SG i immediately cabbed home....

When i reached home, saw 2 big luggages in my room AGAIN and i was so sad all of a sudden AGAIN. I don't wanna leave my boyf, He was soooo nice to me for like a year plus. Awesome guy i ever had in my life.. But i knew i had to accept it that i have to go to the US because i want to further my education. I myself clearly know that i drop out from Poly and i have no directions in life. What can I do? Be a freaking waitress my whole life? No way man. That is why thinking about my future scares me inside out. Then I have my final thought. I have to go...

My boyf accepted it. He said he will wait for me. Oh well, life is unpredictable. Of course i trust him. Anyway this few years can be a test for our relationship. Who stays, and who goes? Who give up and who strives? We never know right.. All i wanna do now is concentrate on my studies and get a scholarship if i can, and get good GPA. Because currently i got accepted to Utah Valley University. Intending to do the Pre-requisites subjects first and transfer to a Dental school. But i have to study really hard in order to get into a Dental school....

Sometimes i felt really sad... Sometimes i locked myself up in my room and cry.. Because my parents always tell me "because of me, they have to put their business aside." Because of me, they have to come here to stay with me for 2months before i settle down, and they want to go back because they felt bored here... Because of me, They have to spend alot of money. Everything because of me... And when their mood gets really bad they repeat everything again. And they started saying i'm not independent and stuffs like that, saying that they do the research for my school stuffs and i did not do anything to help. And because of me they have to sacrifice so many things. Time, Money, Work and their 2 sons at home. Is it my fault? Is all this shit my fault? Yes my fault. How i wish i can stay in Singapore but who knows i drop out from poly and i have no choice but to study overseas.. who knows all these happens and at the end of the day i gets all the blame. Maybe they are right. I caused everything. I did not study hard, I worked too much, and i drop out of poly and here i am listening to their rant. Almost everyday. i Just wanna lock up my room and cry my eyes out and talk to my boyf on the phone thinking everything will be alright. But my parents do not allow me to call my boyf because it is very expensive. And when i got the internet modem fixed up in my apartment today, i was sooo happy. Finally i get to talk to my boy on QQ, we webcam. I can hear him, but he can't hear me because my earphones isn't working. And when i told my parents i wanna buy new headphones they suddenly got mad saying that i should just concentrate on my studies and don't talk to him. Forget about him. I was so sad. Can't i have a little free time for myself? Life isn't all about studying your ass out, my mind will breakdown. Where are all my freedom? What has my life become to?

I already have a different life here in the US, i need time to adapt to a new environment. I can't possibly start studying right now. It's not as if i wanna have fun everyday, i will definitely start studying hard when school starts in May but they do not have to keep ranting and telling me the same things over and over again, it makes me feel that everything is my fault like i deserve some kind of punishment. I know what i will be doing when school starts. Hai... I really need a break, i think i will go crazy one day....

That is why i always wanna go online to talk to my boyf. He is the only one that makes me feel better... He makes me laugh on webcam, and we talked funny stuffs. i love him so much. oh boy i really need you so much by my side :'(

Oh well, currently this is my life... i will update more if i can.. Good night.